As a child, I did not think that I belonged anywhere, not even in my own family. These thoughts caused me to feel awkward and uncomfortable in social settings. I was too different, and my differences, in my mind, made me an easy target for judgment which led to thoughts and feelings of being unsafe. To offset these intense thoughts and feelings, I crafted an internal narrative that protected and guided me towards safety and belonging. I built this inner narrative on the foundation of the continued acquisition of knowledge. Through observing others and becoming educated in human behavior, I I tried to construct a worthy self and design a framework for social engagement that would lead to my belonging.
In adulthood, my learning around human behavior led to a degree in psychology and a couple of seminary degrees. Along the way, I took various types of personality typing and spiritual gifts tests. I had several ministry leadership experiences including pastoring for several years. All of these learning opportunities helped me grow my self-awareness around my behavior and personality patterns and revealed parts of the inner narrative that was running my life. However, there were other parts of this inner narrative that remained hidden to me. Specifically, what I now consider to be the cornerstone of self-awareness, the “why” or the internal motivations behind the behaviors that continue to uphold the narrative.
The Enneagram found me during an extremely challenging season of transition. Unlike other personality typing systems, the Enneagram moved beyond the basic information of personality characteristics by offering a map to my interior world. In this map, I discovered part of the “why” behind the inner narrative that was leading my life and the “why” behind some of my beliefs and behaviors. With the Enneagram, I had access to my internal motivations. In addition, it offered me tools to move beyond the narrative, move beyond the limitations of type.
The Enneagram is a dynamic system. It is not about putting people in a confining Enneagram type box. The Enneagram types are not one-size-fits-all. Each individual is a unique manifestation of their type. As a dynamic system, individuals who are versed in the Enneagram and want to be intentional about their growth and healing can choose to move around the lines of the Enneagram symbol to access the qualities of other types.
My experience with the Enneagram has allowed me to grow in compassion for myself and my believed differences. I have become more accepting of who I am, my worth, and my place of belonging in the world. I have also grown in compassion toward others. Knowing someone’s Enneagram type and the inner motivations associated with that type opens the door for greater understanding and less taking things personally. This understanding helps me to show up more authentically in relationships.
I began this post by mentioning the internal narrative I crafted for my protection, safety, and belonging. Now, I would like to offer a small example of one Enneagram insight that helped me to see some of the “why” underlying my inner narrative. I lead with Enneagram type Five. Type Fives are located in the head triad of the Enneagram where mental processes and fear are significant factors in how the types in this triad engage with the world. Discovering my location in this triad helped me to realize why safety and the way I used learning, knowledge, and thinking to create this safety were significant for me. Access to this understanding allowed me to start to create a new narrative about how I want to or choose to show up in the world. It was a new beginning.
